Friday, September 02, 2016

Bus Report #933

Muni, always an experience, on a recent Sunday afternoon.
No problems getting there or running my errands. I even had time to browse some shops before heading home.
I hopped on the 38 and sat in a window seat on a bus that filled up very quickly.
My seatmate was an older man, somewhere between 55 and perhaps 65. He was skinny and his legs swam in his jeans. His leather jacket reeked of smoke and even though it was overcast, he wore dark sunglasses.

He did not say a word but when he sat down he immediately crossed his legs, tightly, and began rocking and swaying back and forth.
I can only describe it as the most frantic combination of bucking, bouncing and davening I've ever seen.
I was, of course, polite but grossed out - best case scenario he had a disorder that compelled him to do it, worst case - and do I really have to spell it out? - he was masturbating (albeit oddly, unless this is a thing?).

I shrunk closer against the window.

I'd have called him out for it if I'd seen any proof, but he mostly just rocked and rocked and rocked, his spindly legs bouncing up and down.

As it was, he was so slight I could have pushed him off the seat with the gentlest press of my finger.

We rode on, and on, and he rode on and on as well, sliding closer to me as I slid further from him.

At Fillmore, a girl in a bright pink T-shirt got on and sat behind us, shooting a look at my seatmate as she walked by.

Finally, thankfully, he got out the bus at Baker, the back of his pants streaked with wetness.
Disgusting! But hopefully our paths will not cross again.

As soon as the door closed, the girl in the pink shirt said, "I saw your face when I got on, I was all set to say something if he got worse, but I think he was trying to scratch his ass!"
I laughed, and she laughed too.
"I would have just pushed him into the aisle," I said. "But yeah, let's hope that's what he was up to."
"I was like, that girl looks like she's gonna kill that guy," she went on. "But I'm pretty sure he was just trying to scratch some hemorrhoids."
We both burst out laughing again.
"God, I hope so," I said.

2 Comments:

Blogger solo roving said...

at least you could laugh about it - I must say I am intrigued by her diagnosis...might pay to take some cream next time you are on that bus just in case

11:40 PM  
Blogger Rachel said...

Haha, that's great, Solo Roving.
I can totally picture having a Muni first aid kit on hand, including several tubes of cream.
And some disinfectant, and some bandaids and wet wipes... Oh man.

Thanks for reading!

8:41 AM  

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